BEVISMS

Handburger:
Actually E’s contribution. She was in 8th grade when she got into a discussion with me over what that delightful round sandwich from McD’s was called. She sensibly pointed out that it was not made of ham…and that it did fit in her hand!

Fassle:
Mom: I’m thinking of a word that starts with ‘f.’
B: I’ve got one, “fassle.”
Mom: Ha ha, “fassle” is not a word!
B: Yes it is! You know, like “fassle up your seat belts.”

The Greeting Card Assignment:
The class was assigned to create a business that you don’t usually see. B’s idea was a greeting card company for unusual occasions. As we were driving to the store, she began proudly telling me about one of her favorites. The front read: “Sorry you got laid”
(I nearly got whip lash when a jerked my head around to give her an astonished look.) Realizing something was off, she began back peddling and stammered….you know…when you’re sorry somebody lost their job!
OFF! Laid OFF! was all I could say.

The Habitat for Humanity:
Just a couple of years ago I read in our community bulletin about the plans for the vacant corner lot at the end of our street. The article said the property was purchased by Habitat for Humanity. B perked up suddenly interested, “so we’re going to get a little zoo down there?!”

The Terminator:
Telling me about a new coworker, B mentioned that the girl’s husband was in the military, and that he had an interesting job…he was a terminator.
Akkk! I’m choking again! My eyes bulge as I look at her and repeat…a…TERMINATOR???
Stealthfully realizing that something was amiss, she begins to describe his job and that he kills the bugs, you know in houses and such.
“EX-terminator!!!” “Exterminator!!!” “Exterminator is what you mean,” I pant.